How To Do Life And Not Let Life Do You...

In my last post I was whining about my life feeling out of control and that I was moving at hyper-speed. One of the comments to that post came from Josh, an intern at Community Christian Church.  He commented:  "i think that you are absolutly right. i agree. i just dont know how one does it. any suggestions that you have at this stage of leadership would be incredibly helpful to a guy in my early stages."  Good question, Josh.  Here are a few thoughts...

Last week I spoke at a conference for Pastors of Mega Churches.  There were over 100 pastors along their wives from churches that had 1,000 to 18,000 in average attendance.  It was really an exceptional group of leaders. Great people! However, I left with the impression that many of these leaders were living with unmanageable schedules.  I talked with a couple guys who (because their wives were sitting next to them) admitted that they didn't take a day off and were gone most evenings.  When I was in Seoul, South Korea speaking at a leadership conference a couple years ago I came away very impressed with the commitment of those people to the Jesus mission.  But it was also clear that the church staff worked 12-18 hour work days, 7 days a week.  Wow?!?

So, back to Josh's question:  when you are in a significant leadership role how do you do life and not let life do you?  Here are a few things I've learned along the way...

1. Schedule time off. - This sounds like a no-brainer, but lots of leaders don't do it.  Since my assistant takes care of my schedule now she knows not to schedule anything on Mondays or Thursday mornings. My time off starts on Sunday afternoon and then extends until Tuesday AM.  I also stay home on Thursday mornings and teach our youngest Caleb, who we are homeschooling.  Even when my schedule is crazy (like now) I still take off Monday and stay at home to teach Caleb on Thursdays.  How do I do it?  I schedule it.

2. You don't have to work in the evenings. - I almost never have an evening meeting.  Since we literally do not have a single committee at CCC, I don't have any have that stuff with which to deal.  We do have teams who have to both decide and implement ministry, but I have worked it so that none of my teams meet in the evenings.  So, I'm home by 6 pm and for dinner every night.  I am willing to start my day as early as anyone will meet me.  6 am?  Sure!  If I ever cheat on my schedule I will cheat on the front end while Sue and the kids are still in bed or just starting to get ready for school.  The only evening I'm typically out is for my small group.  And that has nothing to do with leadership, that is because I'm a Christ Follower.

3. You can work stuff around your kids activities and sports. - This takes some coordination and real hustle, but it can be done.  If Amy has a concert or a lacrosse game it goes on my schedule and it's an appointment that will not be interrupted. Sometimes you have to lobby to make it work. For example, the last several years I have coached my two boys baseball and basketball teams. (And I love it!)  But in order to make it work I've  had to request that the league schedule my Saturday games  between 11- 2 pm so it won't interfere with Saturday evening services.  And they do it.  Sometimes I come rushing in just in time for a Saturday service or I have to review the media/powerpoint at an earlier time.  But if you make it a priority, it can be done.  I know that many on our CCC leadership team do this - Jon, Troy and others. 

4. Have people that will tell you the truth. - I have told Sue, "honey, if I blow it at home, I have blown it!  And I need you to tell me the truth when you think I'm not being the kind of dad or husband I need to be."   The truth is much more imporant than my feelings and I am fortunate to have a friend/wife who will shoot straight with me.  Sue tells me the truth.

5. Create the culture and don't just respond to it. - One of the advantages of being a church planter is that you get to create the culture.  At CCC, our staff does not have office hours.  I guess you could call it flex time.  We have never called it that; it's really a "get your job done" and part of your job is to make time for God, spouse and family.  So, if you are wondering how does a guy leading a large church and network get that much time off and not have eveing meetings...it is how we started CCC.  Nobody knows any different, it's a part of the culture.

In order to give full disclosure - I probably work at least 55 hours a week. And while I'm working, I work hard and I'm going full speed.  But even when it is crazy, like it is right now...I try to make sure that I'm doing life and not letting life do me.

Comments

[Kirsten]

The other thing you do really well, Dave, is what Andy Stanley talks about in his book "The Next Generation Leader"---"only doing what only you can do." Highly effective leaders know that they don't have to have their hands in everything, so they empower leaders and teams to do those things that don't have to be done by "the big guy." The whole model and culture of CCC is to develop and nurture others. I have a long way to go, but I find that the best use of my time is developing people to do as much of my job as possible, so that I can spend my time preparing for the "next step" in my ministry. Thanks for setting that example, Dave!

[Tammy Melchien]

Just for the sake of pushing back a little... :) I have found that #2 has gotten easier as I've "moved up" in leadership. Now most of the people that report to me are staff so it's much easier to protect evenings and schedule meetings during the day. But when I was a Kids' City Campus Director it was hard to protect evenings because most of the people who I needed to connect with were moms who couldn't do early morning meetings. Sometimes we'd meet during the day at their homes with their kids around but if we wanted a distraction-free meeting that wasn't a good choice. I just think #2 can be more challenging for those who work primarily with volunteer leaders than for those of us who work primarily with ministry staff.

[Jackaway (the intern)]

thank you, thank you, thank you!! that was very helpful. i actually read through it twice. dave, this is the stuff you need to write a book on. i know at Bible college it seems like i took a class on everything except for how to not think you can do everything. im serious. its one of the most important topics that just gets passed over. thanks again for the insight.

[Cliff Parrish]

Dave,
You are definitely the walking talking mascot for time management. A true leader is one that can not only lead and manage their time in the work place, but openly lead and manage their time at home.

I don’t think I ever told you this, but when I started RemoteLink 10 years ago you were the model when it came to managing my time. From the first day I started my company, I knew that it could consume my life to gain success. Your model showed me that it didn’t need to be that way. Your model made me ask the question, why would God have me sacrifice my family for my business. Your model proves that success comes from a life that balances all the details that God has in store for a person, rather then just the ones that scream out at you. Once I scheduled non-negotiable time in my calendar, I found that I always had time for the things that really mattered.

Thanks for being obvious in your walk, its contagious!

[Art]

You know, that all sounds really good coming from the pastor of a large church who has the privilege of actually planning his own schedule. Most people in your church don't have that luxury.

Try keeping that schedule being a bivocational pastor with a second shift, full-time job, and a wife who works full-time, plus a church to take care of.

Try that on for size and then talk to me about not letting life do you. What a load of crap.

[Dave Ferguson]

Art, thanks for the candid feedback. It is kind of refreshing. It sounds like you are going through a tough season. I may not be able to do what I described in this post in your situation.

And you may not know my story. I didn't step into this role as a large church pastor. Myself, my brother and few friends from college started CCC from scratch. I would say all five of those points were true when we were only a church of five people with me making $20k/year and my wife working.

Thanks for the push back.

[Jeff Pessina]

Art... you sound pretty stressed. "Been there" (plenty). But it more often invovles our own choices than we like to admit. Such a high level of anxiety in ministry can only be sustained for so long. Sooner or later you may have to implement some of that "crap" Dave speaks of?